Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I found out this morning that someone very close to my heart is positive. So many people, so many friends affected by this cursed disease. I am trying to remain still, while my mind and heart race. In my rational wisdom I think I am okay. I've been living with this disease positively (pun intended I suppose), but every now and again I feel that crushing sadness. Despite the good life I lead, it still hurts. No one can truly know how it feels or how lonely one can feel. When I heard the news, I sat seemingly calm in my cubicle, staring blankly at my monitor. So many things crossed my mind, namely that I needed to reach out and hold his hand and tell him that I understood. I tried to hold the wall of emotions up. Sometimes being strong isn't about brute force, but about letting things go. I cried like a baby.

I know many people who are positive, but when you hear that someone you love dearly is experiencing and living the same hardship as you, the heart simply breaks. I wrote a letter to him, and I hope he knows that I am here for him and that I am thinking about him. I don't want him to be alone with this. Life is good and I want him to know that I am here for him, if and when he needs it.