Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Life Choices

I wrote this back on September 27, 2004. It gives a good idea of where I was heading.


Life is full of choices and if there is one thing I believe, it's that we should never have complete faith that every choice we make will be right. The only faith we should have is that we are human, fallible and prone to error. Life is about making mistakes, living with them and learning from them. I had recently been reading a number of the online journals on this site and have been moved by the sense that life still has a destiny for us. That we have a place and a meaning on this earth and Universe.

Having been newly diagnosed in the last 3 years, I haven't had the experiences that many other HIV Pozative people have gone through, but I still seem to view things with a certain optimism. Am I being naive or am I simply trying to mask an unfaced fear and an untamed demon? I would love to have answers to those questions, but like life, not everything reveals itself with such clarity. This is not just a period in our lives, it is now a part of our lives. The question is whether it will become your life or will it simply be another layer of your complicated-interesting self. I suppose it's easy to say, when your not on meds, or when your not sick, or when things seem to be going fairly well. I don't have an answer to that either. All I know is that I am here now and life has a lot to offer, as I to it. I am not just living but I am life. Life to my friends, family and to many others. I know even at the worst of times, someone else is in a darker place, and though that does not comfort me, I know that I can't waste tears and pity on myself. Hope is always there, you just gotta dig a little to find it, and hopefully I can be there for someone when they need it.

Disclaimer: These are just random cerebral thoughts, from a Random cerebral individual.


mainja said...


i like random cerebral individuals.

we'll get along.

oh, wait, we already know we get along. never mind.

epicurist said...

Mainja - we certainly do get along! :)

Snooze said...

This post spoke to me so much, not just because of the many poz people that I know, but because I have wasted so much of my own life looking back in regret; never allowing myself to move forward. I wore my hair shirt with pride. Once I found meaning [to me] for my existence, it was a lot better, but I still struggle. Thanks Epi - you voiced what I have been feeling.

epicurist said...

Snooze - I've realised that the only way to grow and blossom is to forget about what wrongs have been done to you, or wrongs you have done to others. You do your best and lead a good life by treating others and yourself with respect and dignity. I know that you do, and owe you a big thanks for your proffered advice and support. It meant a lot and means a lot!